I recently had lunch with a dear friend. She asked me what my thoughts were on the hot, hipster trend-of-the-moment, Hygge (pronounced hoogah for all you noobs)…eerrrrrr I had never heard of it either.

Apparently, it’s a Danish term: a concept of living simply, with comfort and console. Taking pleasure in the little things such as slippers, coffee, candles or a fire. Giving pleasant greetings on the street, or wishing well to others. The New Yorker will give you a better understanding. I stared blankly into her eyes as she shared this revelation with me.

Could such a stupid concept exist? And more importantly, could I be on the cutting edge of hipster life without knowing it?

I don’t know how to handle Hygge (hoogah!) at the moment. IS THAT NOT already what life is worth living for? And are these “simple” things not BETTER when they’ve been slightly tampered with? But I’ve got to give it to the hipsters. They can make anything cool, and if I weren’t already too old and too high maintenance, I’d be one of them.

Let’s take the beard. The poop-filled, curly pubes that dangle under a man’s nose and mouth. That should NEVER be cool. Ever.  And I know these real life lumbermen can likely do wonders in the kitchen, but my mind reels in distress when I consider what the secret ingredient is. There are just some sauces that should never be eaten. I want the benefit of their culinary skills without the prospect of their DNA.

Buuuuuut, trim that shit down and throw a buffalo check flannel on that stash–holy hell!  You have yourself a hot and manly lumbersexual-  the Brawny Man who causes the mess. (That’s hipster irony right there!)

May I AXE you a question? You’re not the only one with wood…

We’ll have to call in the bald beauty to mop up (more than a spill on) aisle three.

They’ve fancied up our coffee and our beer.

They’ve bettered our pickles and our condiments.

They serve us decadent uncured meats from responsibly locally sourced farms– all presented on beautiful, original barn board…

They take photos (we all do!) but fidget with filters to improve upon the just okay photo. Or better yet, they take things back to the dark room…that’s not simple!

AND NOW they want us to enjoy the simple things for what they are…that just doesn’t seem fair given all they’ve taught us to love.

You can take your bow ties, you can even take your dark rimmed glasses (although save one pair for the bedroom), but please, for the love of all that’s good, let’s keep a few things the way they were really meant to be: IMPROVED UPON.

I shall enjoy the simplicity of coffee…from a french press.

I will embrace a snuggle next to a roaring fire…in my locally sheared wool slippers.

and I will do so, under twinkle lights, with craft beer and sulfite-free wine in a mason jar…while surrounding myself with friends, who do charcuterie like a boss. Hygge ya like me now?