5 Reasons To No Longer Shop Forever 21

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My age alone should be reason enough to skip shopping at Forever 21. And yet- “Forever” is in the name.  It’s inclusive!  It’s inviting!

It is an invitation- to fashion disaster for age-deniers.  Racks and rows of spandex that’s under-qualified for the rippling misfortunes of an aging body.  Ladies, we know better– but nevertheless, we persist.

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Forever 21 will forever be a temptation for the rallying weekend warrior, charging forward to trend on the cheap. Can we all agree that no self-respecting woman past the age of 35 should darken that door?

Yet there I was, caught like a romper-wearing, “cash-me-outside”-uttering, age traitor– when I got this call from my daughter:

 

Mini- Mom- Are you there- (shouting above the noise)Me- Ya honey, what's up- Is everything alright- (I slink under a carousel of neon half-shirts) Mini- Where are you- What's all the mus

Dignity restored. (riiiiiigghht) I wish I could say that I left the store right then.

Here, then- five of the (seemingly unlimited) good reasons to stop shopping at Forever 21.

ONE: You don’t have to do much ‘sole’ searching to see this isn’t going to work.  Michael Jackson is dead and the only people who should wear that much shine are street performers (or Kim Kardashian).

TWO: Freaking. Fanny. Packs. Like I need an additional pouch around my midsection. IMG_0708

THREE: Oy to the Vey. I get that I’m 40, but nobody, I repeat–NOBODY can or should pull this off.

FOUR: No. Just no. Noooooooooooo. No. (What are we? Bikers from the future?)IMG_0710

FIVE: {CRICKETS CHIRPING}IMG_0711


As if my age hasn’t already revealed itself, just as I was about to give up, Forever 21 REDEEMS ITSELF!

Meet the WALL OF SOLID TURTLE NECKS:IMG_0713

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Don’t get me wrong, they’re made of toilet paper and cost less than my daily coffee-but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Although there’s a good chance that I’m just aging out, I’m going to blame my Forever 21 horror on millennial buyers, making poor brand choices as they fawn over terrible, unflattering nineties styles.  Those looks that didn’t succeed the first time around– I have the photos to prove it!

Although it seems pretty clear right now, I suspect I’ll be back– Forever Foraging through the aisles for something with sass and style.

I think it might be the glittery baseball hat.


 

One Comment

  1. I love this post. I haven’t been in this store for years because I felt this way, the same with H&M. Zara and Banana Republic are about as trendy as I get now in my 40’s.

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