5 Fitness Hacks For The Foodie At Heart

 

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5 Fitness Hacks For The Foodie At Heart

Sigh. Here’s the story:

The skinny girl stays skinny until she ain’t skinny no more. (Tear)

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And if you weren’t the skinny girl, you’re probably thinking, ‘GOOD– Karma!’ Well, thanks for having my back, sistah.

I am one of those blessed to have maintained a fairly slender figure for most of my life without too much effort. But after bearing two children and reaching the top end of my thirties, things began to slip. My schedule sped up, and my metabolism slowed down (just as they said it would). (I hate ‘they.’)

I was tired, I was sad, and yes, I was gaining weight. I needed to be shut off.

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Yet.  Food is love. Food is life. (Full disclosure: I’m a foodie.)

What to do?

I’ve tried diets where starvation is the key to success, but hangry doesn’t win you friends (and your spouse wants to murder you in your sleep). I dreeeeaaaam about food. I cook. I host. I savor the flavor. Dare I say, it feeds my soul? Yuuuum!

I’ve tried the ‘This Is Who I Am Now’ approach as well. Inching my way up the size chart while my self-esteem and confidence took a nose dive. It’s superficial, but I don’t like being big either. I physically didn’t feel well.

Let’s face it. If my extra weight morphed me into a curvaceous, busty Marilyn, I’d be more comfortable with it–but busted cantaloupe was more my look. Something (besides my waistband) had to give.

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After years of mediocre effort to stay healthy or fit, the proverbial fat lady had finally sung. Off to the gym, she (I) went. Like Goldilocks, I’ve tested out every “fun” fitness activity– but I wanted to find one that was just right.

Sergeants yelling: No thanks.
Muscles as big as my head: you can keep that.
Competition and grit?  I’m a delicate flower!
Do it on my own? Riiiiiiiggghhht.

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I needed something to balance my needs: motivational, small, close to home, and a place to make friends.

I will never be the gal who pops out of bed pumped to get pumped. But the conflict between wanting to eat (and drink) EVERYTHING and wanting to maintain some kind of human-shaped physique as I step into my forties means I must exercise.

I work hard at the gym. I make new friends. I mutter under (and over) my breath. I get it done–and while I don’t look like a pillar of fitness, I am stronger than I’ve ever been.

Food continues to be my frenemy. I’ve had to become more careful about what I choose, and when I get to indulge…and like good friends, food and I still get crazy sometimes. But now I’ve got fitness to back me up, too.

I’m writing this as I’m slipping backward, so I’m still a work in progress. (Too much living up my forties!) Hoping to motivate myself, you, or anyone who needs it, here I will share my five best hacks to survive the fitness world. For those of you struggling with your love of food and your “distaste” for working out, I’ve got your back…no matter the size.

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FIVE FITNESS HACKS FOR THE FOODIE AT HEART

ONE: CHILDS’ POSE

The cozy release of all effort when you curl up, stick your head between your legs and count the minutes until class is over. Let your belly hang out and sway between your knees. Tick tock. Take all the time that you need down there. A close second– happy baby.

TWO: THE DARKNESS OF SPIN

Spin class is the one place nobody will see just how uncoordinated your body (or outfit) is. The lights dim and you can fade away from all things pretty. Don’t wear anything cute. Unkempt hair, don’t care. Crush it with your nasty, bad self. Internally mock the double entendres of spin– you know the references about adjusting your knob, pushing harder, and positions to pick it and stick it. (You’d like to live in my head wouldn’t you?)

Deodorant is required; we can still smell in the dark.

THREE: THE SPOT NEXT TO THE SPEAKER

A good instructor is like having a personal DJ. THEY PLAY MY JAAAM! Find your place close to the speaker and turn.up.the.beat. Nobody can hear you panting. It’s the best place to mutter mean, unladylike swears at your instructor (without her hearing a word you say).

Instructor: How y’all doing?
Me (mouthing with a glare): I will staaaaab you…

Just keep fuc&ing smiling.

FOUR: ‘WATER’ BREAKS (or bathroom breaks, depending on the day)

Staying hydrated is an important part of your workout. Every good instructor will tell you that. But what’s in your bottle is YOUR business. Vodka is the color of water, just sayin’. Drink up! That post-delivery bladder is sure to fail you, in the best way possible.  Take some time to hop, skip, jump into the bathroom– you may miss star jumps or better yet, burpees. Oopsie!

FIVE: PEDICURE

It’s the right thing to do. We take classes in bare feet and we must do what’s right for the greater good. Your civic duty. Regular pedicures are now part of my weekly routine, to the delight of those around me. Win, win. We’re all happy. TOE-tally great!

So if you’ve been fighting the idea of getting back to the gym, just go. You’ll be fiiiiiiiiiiine. It’ll be great, blah blah blah….

You’ve got this. And just think (!), you can eat what you want because you worked for it…

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Oooooooh! I get it now…  That’s NOT how this is supposed to work?!


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14 thoughts on “5 Fitness Hacks For The Foodie At Heart

  1. I went back to the gym last summer to lose the aghem cough cough 23 lbs I gained between age 40 and 44. Officially gone! Slight need to eat very little during the day but overall it was just getting out of my chair on the regular. I love that chair <3

  2. Everyone can relate to this post! We have all been there!!!

  3. I am a 100% procrastinator when it comes to working out. It is a curse I am happy to live with most of the time. Unfortunately, it’s probably something I should get over myself. Glad I’m not alone in that boat 🙂

  4. LOL This is a great article. LOVE the images you chose! (John Travolta LMBO) I’m a foodie too and decided I loved food too much to sacrifice time spent at the gym but these hacks are fantastic.

  5. I love the way you wrote this! It’s such a relatable topic but you put a great light spin on it. I am the worst for motivating myself to workout but I know that I really need to make it a priority. Especially now, like you mentioned, as we get older and it doesn’t seem as easy to keep the weight off any more!

  6. These are all good things to know! I kind of get by when it comes to diet and exercise, but I don’t go to the gym. It’s nice to be prepared when it comes to fitness.

  7. So being married to a chef makes me a foodie enabler! It’s as if you took my internal diatribe and blogged about it-thank you for that! It’s a real struggle but a light hearted tone and some well played cynical thought processing!

  8. i’ve been a runner since high school because i love to eat 🙂 if only i could burn calories as fast as i can consume them…

  9. This post was hilarious and true at the same time! So relatable. I’ll be thinking of this the next time I workout.

  10. You are making me rethink not canceling my gym membership. You sold me on spin class in the dark.

  11. Sonja- Too Much Character February 8, 2019 — 2:17 am

    Your gifs are AMAZING! Bwa ha ha ha! I have the same thoughts about working out. I need to get back into the habit because I am turning into a Weeble. Thanks for the laugh!

  12. I don’t mind fitness and working out but I love food.

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