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Moms I’d Like to Punch: The Supermarket Edition

Moms I’d Like to Punch: The Supermarket Edition

Title catch your eye?  Yes! You know exactly who I’m talking about, and chances are good that you know one, are married to one, or you ARE a MILP (Mom I’d Like to Punch). Regardless of where you stand, let’s all agree that in our cushy, white bread world, that if we reflect upon what we are saying, doing or watching others do the only words that come to mind are What. The. Duck. (Thanks, autocorrect)!

This maiden MILP post was inspired by Yours Truly. If you can’t make fun of yourself what the duck are you good for? But be warned…follow up MILP posts are coming, and you’re next! Not so Sunny now, am I?

So WHY, you ask, am I a Mom You’d Like to Punch? As if the ‘artsy’ supermarket cover pic didn’t seal the deal?

Today, after a juice bar date with a friend, I mozied on over to the supermarket to pick up some raspberries.  These raspberries were for a blog post: Chocolate Bread Pudding with RaspberriesA-Mazing. I had just previously picked up a beautifully crusted loaf of chocolate bread from the local When Pigs Fly showroom. Raspberries were to be the finishing touch.

As I entered the market, it hit me. It hit me like a sugary golden caramel drizzle hits a cloud of dolphin friendly whip on a freshly spun Vente Skinny Frappuccino by an ironic bearded barista named Cheddar. I am grossly a MILP!

For instance: I can spend two hours in the supermarket–and have ‘deep’ and ‘life-changing’ conversations in aisle seven.

Furthermore: I often imagine a supermarket DJ (named Brie) who just slays a playlist created just for me.

And like Brie’s playlist, my MILP offenses just go on and on.  What follows is a list of ten that seem particularly egregious:

ONE.

My reusable shopping bag is Coldplay. THE BAND Coldplay. Chris Martin guides me to channel my inner Gwyneth (post-uncoupling, but pre-Goop debacle). IMG_6270.JPG

TWO.

I buy my kids seltzers called Mermaid Songs. (Because likely the whispers of a mermaid will ensure that my children focus in school and become successful leaders, yet remain kind and care about the environment.)

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 THREE.

My parenting style is much like my eggs… Free Range! (But I’m not an absent mom, so don’t judge.) These blog posts aren’t going to write themselves.

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FOUR. 

Even my chicken nuggets are educational. JUST KIDDING! I would NEEEVVVER feed these to my kids! (Product of Canada. Not gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, bully-free, or made from uncensored, dye-free unicorn farts.)

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FIVE.

Because this organic coconut oil is for my callus-free feet. And yes, I make my own scrub. And yes you can find that recipe on #Pinterest, but only if you subscribe and share my page with your gardener, your priest and your clitoral-stimulating psychic.

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SIX.

Because water needs a taste. (Written with valley girl accent. Picture Jimmy Fallon: “Ewww!”) Now I can’t stop saying it….’Ewwww.’

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SEVEN. 

Because my TP for when I peepee is on the down low so nobody realizes I do do the voodoo I doo-doo.

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EIGHT.  

Kale Greens. JUST KIDDING! I grow my own. Duh! (And it’s the base of  all soups, stews and genital-friendly anti-inflammatory ointments I make, so step off.)

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NINE.

I spent a fortune and still left without raspberries because THEY HAVE NO RASPBERRIES then went to a local farm to get a teeny tiny container of raspberries and they hold them ransom for $6.99 and you know they know they’re the only ones with raspberries but I need the raspberries to go with the $6.00 loaf of bread I just bought for a recipe…I’m exhausted from that and I need a latte.  WHERE IS CHEDDAR when you need him?!

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TEN.

I circle the parking lot three times over five minutes and open the wrong white SUV just once because I’m #soooooounique. I totally thought my paddle boarding mermaid bumper sticker would set me from the rest.  I’ll have to get my car eyelashes to match mine and step up my game. (Alexa. Get me eye lashes, pronto!)

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I know. I know!! You don’t have to tell me. I. Already. Know. But I’m a good person; I swear! Laughing at yourself is the first step after you realize how you sound. Second step: full body cringe.

The best thing you can do is pick yourself up, dust off your LuLus, or LuLaRoes, or camel toes or whatever– and laugh along and wait patiently for my Chocolate Bread Pudding with Raspberry. I promise it’ll put everything into perspective.

So. Can we agree that I’m a total dick–but still lovable, and kind, and drop dead gorg…. Fine. I’m done.  Roll your eyes and laugh AT me, but whether you’re a MILF or MILP, and if you’re a MILF you’re a MILP by default…I’m coming for you next! You’ve been warned.


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For More MILP Posts read:

Moms I’d Like To Punch: Fitness Edition 

Moms I’d Like To Punch: Holiday Card Edition 

Moms I’d Like To Punch: Youth Sports Edition 

Comments

  • Pingback: Chocolate Bread Pudding with Raspberries

    September 15, 2017
  • halfpintpartydesign

    December 30, 2018

    Well I just had a good laugh! Thank you. And I don’t think I want to punch you. I think we would be friends! Which means you might just want to punch ME though. : )

    • The Sunny Side

      January 1, 2019

      Hahaha! Love it. Spend enough time here and you may want to punch me. Happy New Year!

  • Dessy Markova

    January 6, 2019

    Hahaha this was so funny!

  • Samantha Flores

    January 8, 2019

    Omg I just had to respond to your post; I was dying! Thanks for the laugh! Life isn’t as fun if you can’t laugh at yourself!🤣

  • sam28641

    February 1, 2019

    simply HILARIOUS!!! After the morning I’ve had, I really needed this. Thank you!

  • Flossie

    February 1, 2019

    Aww, (wo)man, I cannot tell you how many times I have done the exact. same. thing! And sometimes I get all the way HOME before I realize I never got those raspberries I went into the store for!

  • Sarah

    February 3, 2019

    Dude I have all kinds of life changing conversations in the grocery stores.

  • Vanessa

    February 3, 2019

    Fantastic! I must be a MILP by default then… lol or am I kidding?! And yes, these blogs don’t write themselves! Amen!

  • Clarice / Camping for Women

    February 3, 2019

    Love the idea of these seltzers. I guess it would be nice to get one or two cans for my girls too. They love mermaids that my youngest wishes she is one.

  • Moriah Joy

    February 6, 2019

    Oh my gosh. I am also that super market mom. (except sans kids..). Could not stop laughing.

  • geekydaddydave

    February 19, 2019

    This was such a fun post to read! Loved it and I buy my toddler the exact same chicken nuggets!

  • Brianne

    February 19, 2019

    LOVE your energy! I had to comment because this is so funny and you’ve given me a good laugh before I’ve even had my morning coffee, so thanks!

  • Shelby Shidler

    February 21, 2019

    Hilarious! Apparently my autocorrect is broken because well…. my name says it all! HA! Great post!

  • Michelle

    March 2, 2019

    Too funny!! These are the things I will always think about now while grocery shopping!

  • Vincent Monaco

    April 5, 2019

    This post had me laughing from the beginning to the end. Very good to see you have a sense of humor about modern “mom” life. Thanks for the laughs.

  • Scott J DeNicola

    April 5, 2019

    I read this earlier and forgot to comment. Very funny. Every trip to the supermarket is a life changing experience in my town and I am there often. Made me laugh.

  • Star

    April 6, 2019

    MILP – had not seen this acronym before. Sooo hilarious. We can all relate to these situations.

  • Snehal

    April 6, 2019

    I’ve had such a great laughing session reading this post. Thanks! 😂 I don’t know what MILP is before this. Well, bring in more such posts! 😜😊

  • Jennifer McCormick

    April 7, 2019

    Hilarious! I’ve tasted that Bread Pudding so the $6.99 raspberries were well worth it. Looking forward to future editions of MILP!

  • Kippi O'Hern

    April 7, 2019

    Off to the supermarket we go…please no. It is the MILP zone? Funny read, thank you for sharing.
    Happy Spring, Kippi #kippiathome

  • bianca8080

    April 8, 2019

    Oh my good, you must be a hoot in real life…this nearly made me fall of my chair >>> “…. your priest and your clitoral-stimulating psychic.”

    • The Sunny Side

      April 8, 2019

      Bahaha!

  • Camille

    April 8, 2019

    This is really funny! You seem like a very cool mom who makes the neighborhood very lively.

    • The Sunny Side

      April 8, 2019

      Ha! Sometimes too much, so!

  • travelwisesr

    April 8, 2019

    I always love your sense of humour and so was it this time too. Had a good laugh.

  • honeybunnytwee

    April 8, 2019

    Lol this made my day! This was too funny and makes me rethink a lot of my grocery choices haha

  • Livelearnbetter (@livelearnbetter)

    April 8, 2019

    This is a stress reliever! Some post topics have a way of keeping you on the edge and guessing what the next line will be. This is one of a very rare kind.

  • Erica (The Prepping Wife)

    April 9, 2019

    I knew this would be a good read! Thank you so much for the laughs. I do agree, we need to be able to poke fun at ourselves. You also reminded me I need more coconut oil. Should I punch you? Or you punch me? Since we buy the same brand. Lol.

  • Debra Roberts (Run Wyld)

    April 9, 2019

    I need that TP for my peepee pants from reading this! Damn that was hilarious…MILP…love it!

    • The Sunny Side

      April 9, 2019

      So glad you stopped by!

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