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What We See

You’d likely never know it, but I have an uncomfortable relationship with the camera.  I hate it actually. (And I hate that I hate it– sigh.)

Insecurity is a trait that really gets under my skin.  When I see it in others, especially women that I know, I get mad.  I see all they are and all they can be. Their words of self-sabotage eat through me.

If they only knew what other people saw.

Most days, I feel quite content with myself.  Like everyone, I have moments of weakness but, I’ve worked hard to shift my self-image.  In the past, I would cover my teeth with my hands when I laughed. I’d compare myself to others and say mean things about myself. I would hide from the camera.  I’d hide my feelings. I’d hide my voice. I’d hide me. It has taken practice and time to move on from this way of being.  It sneaks back from time to time.

If I only knew what other people saw.

I struggle sometimes to match what I see in photos me with how I perceive myself. In person, I can bob and weave; other forms of beauty can be at play, in the forefront. I can compensate with wit or charm.  A photo captures a permanent yet partial impression of who we are.

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I just had to have this dress. (So very sunny!) It made me want to twirl!  But when I saw myself in the photo, I no longer embraced the same joy. I began to size myself up– taking stock in all the things that could be tucked, plucked & fixed.  I wanted to edit my way right out.

I am not at ease in front of the camera.  I’m working it.

This snapshot represents a part of who I am. I don’t know where to put my hands, I’m blushing, I’m nervous.  A picture can’t always capture all the beauty we possess– and what this photo doesn’t show is that I also feel bright and colorful, full of flair, sunny– like my dress.

There’s often more to the story– a reason I love to write, create and share. We all have a story.   How do you discover and share yours?

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