Yes Girl, It’s Time To Slay The Dragon

Yes, Girl, It’s Time To Slay The Dragon. Setting boundaries to say yes to success.

Do you ever find yourself in your own way — creating obstacles that inhibit your own success? And that in some way you might be your very own dragon?

I found myself actively trying to convince friends to cancel their movers the other day. They had hired a crew to unload the pod that was shipped in their five-person cross-country move. I suggested it was ridiculous to have booked them in the first place—it couldn’t be that much work, pish-posh. We’ll help!

It doesn’t stop there…

Planning a fundraiser? I’d be glad to assist!
Nope, can’t meet on Tuesday or Thursday—I coach.
Decorating Committee, you’ve got it!
NO—it’s your birthday. I’ll take care of all the details.
Your wedding cake—I’ve always wanted to learn fondant!
(I sincerely did this—not once, but twice!)

Yes, I’ll host. I’ll make everything, we’re not ordering in.
Don’t hire landscapers—we’ll figure it out together.
Just call me, we’ll play some tunes and paint your entire house!
I can take that wall down myself!
Recently, I (half) jokingly suggested I fill in as an instructor at my fitness studio…
Have you SEEN my form on the mat?
(It’s a stretch– Bazinga!)

Setting boundaries to say yes to success.

I am a yes girl. I love to please—no matter the length or the means. I’m also an idea girl. So not only will I say yes, but I’ll proudly multiply the tasks to really make a project dazzle! It might be something to laugh off in isolation, endearing one might even think, but at a closer glance—trouble lurks.

While I have no difficulty spotting patterns in others—it seems I’m intellectually stunted when it comes to carving my own path to success. As an outgoing gal with a deficit in attention (squirrel!), I wrestle two clashing personalities that squawk incessantly in my head. Much like Seinfeld’s bit on Nighttime Jerry not considering Daytime Jerry in his evening galavants, I’m tangled between “Yes Girl” and “Success Girl”—and they’re suiting up to have it out.

Yes Girl knows not what she does. The sun rises and coffee has its way with her. An inner soundtrack begins to play, her inner monologue sings along! Birds flutter about; it’s good to be alive! (See what we’re working with here?) With a euphoric sense of energy, happiness, and life, the day gets going and there’s just no telling what or who she’ll commit to, say yes to, or worse—set new multi-level ideas into motion.

The evening rolls around; the sun goes down. The day wears away—Success Girl is plagued by what has happened.

Success Girl—she has her own sparkle too, with energy and passion ablaze! Projects and ideas, creative energy flows—but there’s never enough time for the things she wants to do, to learn, to create.

I’m not looking to take sides. They’re both great gals-—but I think, just maybe, Yes Girl is to blame. (Gasp!)

I love to say yes. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling and helps me sleep soundly at night. It is fun and exciting but isn’t serving me well. What I’m learning (at the pace of a knocked-up snail) is that saying Yes takes away from Success.

I am my own dragon and she needs to be slain. (With caution.)

It’s hard to take power from something you love; it feels weird and wrong. But putting my wishes front and center is my goal for the time being. I want more.

Setting boundaries to say yes to success.

Being a No Girl is just not my style. (Sunny!) Instead, I’ll say yes—but going forward, it’s yes to success!

Yes, I will…talk to myself.

Writers are eccentric—so I’ll be on trend! My little friend Yes will feel so heard and validated. I like her, she has great ideas, her timing is just off. I will let her speak, thank her for contributing, and promptly send her on her way.

Yes, I will prioritize!

One can’t simply say no to everything, can she? Can she! There are just some things I’m always willing to say yes to—and family fun will always come first! (And the not-so-fun I presume—ugh.) Going forward I plan to be MIA from the PTA or any other acronym that will exhaust me of my time. Yes, thank you for asking—perhaps some other time.

Yes to projects.
Yes to writing.
Yes to relationships.
Yes to creating.
Yes to collaborations.
Yes to growth.
Yes to health.
Yes to partnerships
Yes to honesty.
Yes to vulnerability.
Yes to change.
Yes to adventure.
Yes to Success.

Yes will also come with sacrifice.

Less television.
Less wine.
Less late nights.
Less Instagram.
Less wasting time.
Less commitment.
Less BS.
(Eek!)

For now, less is best.

IN CONCLUSION— The line is drawn in the sand.

I’m ready to slay the dragon that is Yes Girl.

What about you—can you identify your dragon?

Whatever’s in your way:

Setting boundaries to say yes to success.


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35 thoughts on “Yes Girl, It’s Time To Slay The Dragon

  1. I’m loving your post.

    1. Oh thank you! ☀️

  2. This is great! Love the sunny side of life and people that advocate for it!

    1. Thank you so much! ☀️

  3. I think my dragon is myself as well. I feel I should be able to handle everything. Work from home, take care of my toddler and baby, handle all the appointments, keep the house clean, make plans and see them through, keep my numbers up at work and so on. I need to start prioritizing better. Thank you for this insight.

    1. We’ve all been there! And suddenly we are doing a lot of things half-assed! I need to reset again, too!

  4. Holy wow. I need to be more of a yes girl. I start to read the year of yes and i never finished it. This post makes me feel so motivated! I want to go find that book and read it now!

    XOXO
    Christina
    Homesweetholmes.net

    1. Oh, Christina! I never read it– maybe I should!

  5. YES!!! Wait I mean NO!! This was great. I used to be a yes girl too. Now I say yes to me first. 🙂 I love your style!

    1. haha! I think I need to reread my own post! I slip back every now and again!

  6. I love your list of what you will say YES to. Good luck with slaying the dragon.

  7. I said yes for soooo many years! Once I turned forty and became a single mom, I started to say no. Now that my kids are grown, I say yes to only what I really want to do.

  8. I love this!! It’s so important to have boundaries in our lives, because every time we say “YES” to something, we are saying “No” to others! If we aren’t careful, we’ll unintentionally say “no” to what’s most important to us. Thanks for sharing!!

  9. Chloe Daniels | Clo Bare January 30, 2019 — 5:14 pm

    I relate to this SO much. It’s hard to say “no” when we want to be there for people who need us! Oprah did a great talk on a “Dear Sugars” podcast episode. I highly recommend it. Basically she talks about how we fear saying no because we think that means that someone will stop loving us, be mad at us or just be upset– but the people who really love and care about your well being will still be there even after you say no. <3

  10. My wife is absolutely a YES Girl and to a fault. When my girls were young they needed another leader for Girl Scouts to start a troop so of course she said I’ll do it. Then it became a second full time job (that was unpaid) and after my girls aged out she was done. There is a certain pleasure to helping a friend or someone in need but I also believe you have to occasionally throw in a no every now and then. Or maybe not NO as much as not right now. Great post, but less wine?? 🙂

  11. I love this reminder! I feel bad saying no to people, so I end up saying yes to way more than I should. I’ve recently starting trying to employ the mentality “if it’s not heck yes, then it’s heck no”. I’m still trying to find the right balance, but I think I’m heading in the right direction.

  12. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first, don’t we? We need to say “yes” to ourselves and focus on what we want/have the energy and time to do.

  13. You’re speaking my language lady! Only recently have I realized that saying yes to everything is one of my biggest faults. I have always been a people pleaser to a fault. It’s only in my more advanced age that I realize that to help those who I love the most I have to sometimes focus on me and my goals. This article was a great reminder that prioritising goals is the best way to move forward! Thanks for sharing!

  14. Your post reminds me of the book on ‘How to say No, when you don’t want to say Yes’. Nice reading your post.Good insights.

  15. My dragon is definitely myself… not only am I a yes person – I’ve become much better at saying no – but also my expectations and self-talk. Rather than telling myself I’m lazy because I didn’t get the house chores done, I rephrase instead to something like I didn’t get the chores done, but I got XYZ done for work, and I did ABC with my kids. It’s trying to find the balance between home, work, and kids that is challenging for me.

  16. This post reminded me of Shonda Rhimes’ “Year of the Yes.” As women, we naturally want to save the world and that can mean taking on too much. We should say “yes” to all the things that make us happy.

  17. I loved this post! Thoroughly enjoyed and identified with it 100%. I recently had to come face to face with my own inner Yes Girl and the way i had been low key people pleasing like a maniac. And you’re not wrong, he more you get tangled up in other people’s projects, the less you actually have time and energy wise for your own. I wish you the best of luck letting Success Girl out more to play!

  18. I see so much of myself in this post. I should be able to do it all, right? It’s a crushing blow when I can’t too. I’m learning my own limits and when it’s time to focus on myself. I’m getting better at saying no.

  19. I can really relate to this! I am the same way and my husband reminds me (usually during a late night sesh working on something I said yes to) that I do this to myself. Lately I’ve gotten better at focusing on the things I want to focus on with a sprinkle here and there of a yes. Thanks for this post!

  20. Oh I just love your take on this! It’s so easy to be a people pleaser-but unfortunately in my experience its like having a huge beacon over your head that says “take advantage of my awesomeness” It’s a great feeling to be able to help out a friend and make a lasting impact on their lives, but not if it means sacrificing your own goals! Awesome share!!

  21. Surprisingly, I’m a No person. But my wife is a Yes to a fault and sometimes I have to say no on her behalf. Great post.

  22. I can totally relate to your situation. I also have the similar dragon I guess, try to please everybody, don’t know how to say ‘no’ at the cost of my own life! I am learning to prioritize though! Thanks for this insightful post!

  23. That was a touching story about self-love. It touches the chord that enables us to reflect on why we need to say ‘yes’ all the time; to please others rather than ourselves. I like how you get to play with the yellow colour.

  24. It took me until I was 40 to start saying no. After 10 years, I’m finally go at it. Starting to say no was hard, but one of the best things I ever did for myself.

  25. Yes to POSITIVITY! There, I think I just slain my dragon of negativity! Very inspirational and insightful post!

  26. very important : focus and prioritize! yes of course there are sacrifices but at the end it will be worth it ! nice read

  27. I love this post – I’ve just completed a year of saying yes and it’s honestly flipped my world upside down for the better. Everything changed as soon as I started saying yes even when I was scared.

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